My favorite flames!

My all-time favorite:

From spam@this.com Fri Mar 28 02:34:59 1997
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Date: Thu, 27 Mar 1997 23:27:04 -0800
From: Michael Wolf <spam@this.com>
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Organization: Socks moved to 3rd drawer
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Subject: A Real Butt Head
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Gosh, Wood Head, you sound like a real smart guy and helpful, too!  Now
I know where to turn for help with my spelling.  If more snots like you
are in the organization for world dominance, I know I can rest easy. 
Bye the way, Snorwood, nice signature...BUWAHAHAHA

...and one from my roommate, too!

From sdahea@balloon.ml.org Wed Apr  9 00:51:34 1997
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Date: Wed, 9 Apr 1997 00:51:22 -0400 (EDT)
From: "Scott A'Hearn" <sdahea@balloon.ml.org>
To: Scott Norwood <snorwood@balloon.ml.org>
Subject: Re: you do now
In-Reply-To: <199704090446.AAA02253@balloon.ml.org>
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Thinking about creating your own web page?  Well, think no more!
Introducing 

      NORWOOD'S CRAPPY WEB DESIGN, INC.	

That's right.  Just tell Norwood what you want, and sit back.  Norwood
will get to work at once, making sure that your page is interesting,
pointless, full of stupid content, and ......

      ....IMPOSSIBLE TO READ!

That's right.  Norwood has a talent for horrible image manipulation,
therefore rendering him incapable of creating decent page designs.  And
did we mention he's COLORBLIND?!  

Just give Norwood the bare minimum of content that you desire for your
page, and in just a few short hours, you'll be reaching for the Aspirin as
your migraine climaxes to a pounding rhythm in your head.

Email Norwood now at 

      snorwood@balloon.ml.org.

Thank you.

Not really a flame, but still funny:

From eviemae@concord.televar.com Wed Sep 10 18:37:17 1997
To: senorw@mail.wm.edu
Subject: Who are you

Hi Scott, 

I don't have a clue as to why I am writing you.  Why not though. You 
look nice enough.  I didn't understand what the web page was all about, 
but the song or whatever it was "hunk o' cheese" was pretty neat. 

Write me if you feel like it. My email address is eviemae@televar.com

My real name is just that EvieMae, but my friends call me Mimi or The 
Princess.  

I hope to hear from you soon.

And this little gem, soliciting illegal material... I wish I were a cop, so I could arrest this guy:

From gambler101@webtv.net Mon Oct 27 17:07:01 1997
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From: gambler101@webtv.net (gambler101)
Date: Mon, 27 Oct 1997 16:54:53 -0500
To: snorwood@redballoon.net
Subject: information
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well i do hope i did not read this wrng. im looking for very copies of
movies that are in the theatres now.  so if you can produce such copies
please e mail me a list, that problem is i have a regular jvc super vhs
,    thank you

And this one, responding to a reasonably helpful post in news.newusers.questions:

From davenports@earthlink.net Sat Nov 15 11:27:47 1997
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Date: Mon, 27 Aug 1956 13:26:12 +0000
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To: Scott Norwood <snorwood@redballoon.net>
Subject: Re: UNIX help!!!!!
References: <EJJvD9.20@presby.edu> <EJJxyD.66L@presby.edu>
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VERY INTERESTING QUESTIONS, NOW I KNOW WHY YOU CALL YOURSELF SNORWOOD
(GET A LIFE LICKBOY)

Here's a recent one

From Esh564@aol.com Thu Aug 23 10:18:46 2001
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From: Esh564@aol.com
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Date: Sat, 18 Aug 2001 18:34:44 EDT
Subject: hey
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I cant believe you missed that field goal   What a loser

Another recent one

From email@uchicago.edu Tue Jul  2 09:53:22 2002
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Date: Mon, 22 Apr 2002 15:50:39 -0500
To: snorwood@redballoon.net
From: Andrew May 23rd 2007 Peterson <email@uchicago.edu>
Subject: Hey Scott Chokewood 
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You owe me 50 bucks Norechoke.  With interest that comes to $87.63, Not 
Yourgood.  I mean Your Notgood, Choke Scottwood. How could you miss that 
kick?  I hate you.  Jesus says I should love you and I'm trying to.  I know 
I should hate the sin and love the sinner, but you still owe me $87.63 
Chokewood.  I need closure.  Pay up.
Thank you,
Andrew May 23rd 2007 Peterson



****************************************************************************
Andrew May 23rd 2007 Peterson
Acquisitions Assistant
University of Chicago Library
Acquisitions Department
phone: (773) 702-8733 fax: (773) 702-3016
e-mail: email@uchicago.edu