YOU KNOW YOU'VE BEEN ON THE COMPUTER TOO LONG WHEN ...

You want an elevator to the basement and begin looking for the "0" key,
because 0 is less than 1.

You hit the wrong key on the elevator keypad and you feel frustrated when you
see that it has no "undo" key.

You are afraid to hit the snooze bar on your alarm clock too many times
because you think that the clock's subroutine was mallocing memory
each time it goes and printing the free memory on the front, and soon
it would run out.

When you look for your toothbrush by trying to do a '/toothbrush' command.

When you write your code as follows:
(define Shit_lang
   (lambda (crap)
      (if (eq? crap ())
          (display "the shit is over")
          (begin
             (if (eq? crap never-ending)
                 (delete! all)
                 (shit_lang (- crap 1))))))
....in a program which takes up 38 pages (of similar stuff) after 28 hours
of work....

When you are trying to recall something and hear in your
head: "parity error at address..."

....You're writing a homework assignment, and get the end of the line
in the middle of a sentence, tack on a '\', and continue writing on
the next line.

When you pick up a rootbeer and read the label as "High Res",
not Hires...

You try to sleep, and think ... "telnet sleep.cs.mun.ca".

You have two books, one on top of another, and think: "No problem.
I'll just click on its title bar to raise the other book to the front".

You hear a prof lecturing, and think that
any question will crash his/her lecture interpreter.

When you think of the lyrics of "Jump! Jump!" by Kris Kross and wonder if
they can be assembled.....

When you start typing semi-colons
at the end of sentences instead of full stops;

You see something written on the blackboard and think: "Why
don't I just log on and download it?"

When you think you can't wake up in the morning because you forgot to push a
return address on the stack the night before.

When you wake up with a woman and you think that she is a PDP-11 and you try
to figure out how to boot her.

When you think your girlfriend
is a VAX, and can't figure out where to put the floppy.

When you plan a hectic day as follows:
'My load averages seem to be a bit too high, my scheduler might
die any moment, and I'm running out of swap space... I'd better kill off
some low-priority user processes.'

When you are reading a book and look for the space bar to get to the next page.

You work on two Sparc stations, and get confused as to why attempting to
move the mouse off one screen doesn't move it onto the other.

When you watch TV and look for the INFO key in the remote control to find out
the name of the program.

When you want to grep a book.

When you want to grep a videocassette.

When you look for your toothbrush by trying to do a
'grep toothbrush /dev/gym_bag' command.

When you look for your car keys using: "grep keys /dev/pockets"

When you look for your homework using: "grep homework /dev/backpack"

When your children do something they shouldn't do, you tell them to stop,
and they do it just once more, and
you react by thinking: "Well, they prefetched the instruction and are
executing it in the delay slot..."

When after fooling around all day with routers etc, you pick up the phone
and start dialling an IP number...

When the bell rings ending class while the prof is in the middle of a
sentence, and you think, "How in the world is he going to carry that
continuation back to his office?"

When you watch the temperature display on The Weather Network say that it is
-0 degrees outside, and you catch yourself wondering if it was sign-magnitude o
r
1's-complement...

When you get in the elevator and double-press the button for the floor you want
.

When you go to the movies and it takes 5 minutes to get used to
the flicker (damn low refresh rate...).

When you go to the movies and catch yourself wondering what the colour
depth of the screen image is...

When you see a flock of birds, and you sit there and try to figure out the
algorithms that determine their movement.

When not only do you check your email more often than your paper
mail, but you remember your {network address} faster than your
postal one.

When your SO kisses you on the neck and the first thing you
think is "Uh, oh, priority interrupt!"

When you go to balance your checkbook and discover that you're
doing the math in octal.

When your computers have a higher street value than your car.

When in your universe, `round numbers' are powers of 2, not 10.

When more than once, you have woken up recalling a dream in FORTRAN.

When you wonder if you could comment out the code that caused your girlfriend
to get pregnant, but then you realise: you do not have the source to your
girlfriend, and even if you do, how are you going to recompile her, anyway?

When your alarm clock goes
off, you think it is spawning new alarm clock processes and you have to kill
them quickly so it wouldn't fill up the process table and prevent you from
doing _anything_ about it. The only problem is, there is a monitor process
that you won't kill, and every time you kill off one of the ring_alarm(x)
processes, it will wait 9 minutes then spawn another one.

When you wish: "If only I could 'sleep 24000 &'"

....you try to bring a window to the front of something, then you realize
that "something" is a post-it (tm) on your screen...

....when in art class, you make a mistake in a drawing and look
frantically for the undo button on the paper.

....When you've been low-level debugging ethernets for a week and when you
see two people at a table trying to pick up the same jar of butter and
you directly wonder if they are using the correct CSMA/CD algorithm to
avoid a re-collision...